Loookit Tammai!!!!

Took my crossbody to the beach!   Mega fanks luv.

(this will be you soon!)  

(...uh, I mean sitting on the beach. You'll be sitting on the beach. Not that you'll be a bag soon.)

wtf is going on?

Here you go, another sign of the apocalypse. People are FREAKING out over little things.

Maybe it's the moon, or the way animals sense danger and adjust their behavior. Maybe the human race, on some level, is innately aware of our impending doom and the behavioral reaction is to kill each other over food.  ...naturally.

WAIT, that makes perfect sense!!! Food sources are one of the most brawled over issues in the animal kingdom. That and mating. So the closer the apocalypse gets, the weirder people will get about sammiches and humping. AH HA.

Well, now that I've solved that one, maybe I'll just go cure cancer.


Here are the news stories to back up my theorem. aka-"scientific research"
ffft, who needs a master's degree.

Man Shot For Eating Popcorn Too Loudly

Shot. For chewing loudly during the end of Black Swan.
Man, if she doesn't win the Oscar, this guy kinda died in vain.   No pressure.

Maple Syrup Throwdown

The most recent in what apparently, happens more often than you think: fist fighting at Denny's.
(Please note how nobody steps in to break up the fight, yet several people move back so they can film it: self preservation! or just the decline of a civilized society.)

Man Shot Over French Fries

Wellll, fries might be worth dying for....I'm undecided on this one.
I mean really, all fresh and salty and crispy.  Oh man.  Fries or death!

Meh.

You know what, I was way more excited for this before I saw the dresses.
I don't think these really were the strongest pieces.

Target GO Designer Dresses         ......thoughts?

I guess if I were going to get one, I'd get this Jovovich Hawk. Since I'm a California hippie now.

EVERYBODY STAY CALM OKAY??!!! NOBODY FREAK OUT!!!!!

In further End-of-the-World news, we are being told not to panic over the massive solar flare expected to reach Earth today and tomorrow. Pretty much it'll just screw up your phone, they say. Full moon, solar flares, Grammy reporters speaking in tongues. Writing's on the wall, people.

You know why they're telling us not to panic??? I'll tell you why. Cuz what's the point of panic in the face of CERTAIN DEATH. (Because it feels good mostly.) Tammy's right. If a solar flare can kill off the headlining, multi-million dollar earning star of a doomsday film, it won't think two bits about burning you to a crisp. That's right, you don't have near the film pedigree and pop culture sway of somebody like Cage.  So you might wanna run up that credit card now on whatever ridiculous shit you would never buy otherwise, cuz this could be it.

I'll give you some suggestions for End of the World Party Funtime! purchases:

            Light Cycle!!!
 At $55,000 (which you won't have to pay back when the Earth no longer exists) this is a steal!
                          Come on. Who doesn't want one of these.

      Jetpack!!!!
Won't have to worry about those student loans with the planet's fiery demise nigh. Invest instead in this Jetpack by the Martin Aircraft Company, for the low, low price of $75,000!

     Swank Burger!!!
Eat a $5,000 burger at the Fleur restaurant of Mandalay Bay Resort in Vegas. And then enjoy the strange irony of pooping it out. :/

   Door Stop!???

      $3,500 Concrete door stop? What the hell, you're toast anyway.

Disclaimer: If the world does not in fact implode/explode/burn up/vaporize/crumble, the authors of this blog are not liable for your credit card debt after you made these stupid, stupid purchases.  But call us anyway, cuz we wanna try out your new Light Cycle.

Holy Balls.

My word. Have you seen this???? Model Andrej Pejic. Is all over the runways, is in lots of print campaigns, is skinny and beautiful, is.... a dude?

                    Yeah. That's a dude.

This is some head exploding androgyny. I totally thought he was a girl.

But then, I thought this was a girl at first too:

Paging Nicolas Cage

Among the varying intellectual topics Diana and I dwell upon (Ukrainian sex slavery, yarnbombing, zombies and falling runway models to name a few), there is one topic that consistently captures our attention (read: paralyzes us with fear and leads to a terrifying flurry of what-if scenarios which then remind us that we are seriously ill-prepared for any kind of catastrophe) -- the end o' the world. There, I've said it. Diana and I are total doomsdayers.

So naturally whenever any indication of the end arises I am compelled to share it with her so that I can have a like-minded worrywart validate my fears. And I use the word "indication" loosely here. I might come across a news story about a shortage of avocados and begin to conclude that the end is nigh. But not today, my friends! Today is a day that surely has doomsdayers all over the world abuzz...the sun is exploding!!

Okay, so it's not really exploding. But NASA has reported a huge solar flare that is causing the disruption of satellite and radio signals in China. And to the average person that might seem to be inconsequential news, but for a person who recently watched Knowing with Nicolas Cage, it's a little frightening. And the scariest part is that not even Nicolas Cage can save us from solar flares. They will penetrate our atmosphere and sweep across the world, one big city at a time, completely obliterating everything, even celebrities (note: aliens might save the children, but don't count on it). And you can't even ride out the storm in an underground bunker because the radiation will reach several hundred miles into the earth's crust.

SO, there you have it - your daily sign of the apocolypse. But stay tuned because birds are still haplessly falling from the sky, the Middle East is in turmoil and the US is experiencing severe and erratic weather systems.

The humanity!!!

OH Friend Tammy! Woe. Woe is me! Listen for all the good, funny stuff we share, I miss sharing those not so good feelings. (that sounds odd, but you know what i mean)

I'm having one of those moments where I would normally swoop into your cubicle and tell you that the world is an unfair, illogical place and our existences are nonsensical and what does it all mean??!!!

Yes, I got sucked into a PBS special again...... about sex trafficking in eastern Europe.

It's horrible. HORRIBLE. The world is so full of unpunished evil and unspeakable acts. And how can things be so uneven that some people are buying $20,000 purses while others can't afford to feed their families??? If nature balances itself, how is humanity so imbalanced?

These poor, poor girls. They're so destroyed by evil people, and yet some of them return to it because they need money for their families. And all I could think, looking at these Ukranian girls was...."I have too many jeans!!!!"

I mean, they have so little, and I have all this....I have like, 20 pairs of jeans! What do I need with 20 pairs of jeans when people are dying and starving and being sold??? What is the point of this? We are so fragile and there is so much evil in the world? People are suffering-SUFFERING and I am worried about the split ends in my hair. OHGOD I'm a horrible person! I'm so selfish and materialistic and I don't do anything to help people in need and ......ooh, my new Vogue is here.